i had a friend, i called her Nana, we were in the same office years ago, she was one of my cool friend, like to hang out with her after office.there was the three of us, me, susi and nana. we were a very good friends back then.

Physically nana is gorgeous, some people said she looked like sandra dewi,she graduate from state, living abroad for a while,her family is wealthy and well-known, she never suffered poverty or even ride a public transportation in her whole life. she has everything that women ever want. i mean she got eveything. looks, money, abroad- education. and her personality is nearly flawless, everybody like her as a friend, she is humble, kind,helpful,funny, and easy going.

There's only one flaw. her weakness in men.

being one of her good friend back then, she sometimes told me and poured out her desire to be loved and have someone that really love her. in her past life she was the one that had been cheated, lied, and played, and left by all her ex-boy friends.
it's surprised me because i didnt see anything wrong with her.

one day , she told me she was having a relationship without status with a married guy, and she was devastated. this on and off going relationship had been going for years, but never once she want to let go. even she's hurting so much.

i told her to let him go, i told her she just wasting her time, and she's not younger anymore, she's already in her 30's, and this kinda relationship will destroy her.

after a long thought, she finally decided to let go, and in the same time, she met this guy from office, actually i was the one that hook her up with him, and i know that this guy like her and they went on dating, she really like him, and they just looked good together. but later i found out that, this guy didnt want to commit with her, and when i asked her how she would do about it, she just said she love him and she's fine with that. they had been going out for a year or so, and when my friend asked him about commitment, he just said he's not ready. but as far as i know they were close, i meant "close'.
when i knew about it, i was angry with her, it didnt make sense at all how she accept to be treated like that. then i remember one of her story about one of her ex, that treated her so bad by hitting her constantly, but she never want to break up with him because she said she love him, then out of the blue the guy dumped her and married to someone else. she got very shocked have a nervous breakdown, she took a year off from working, her family flew her to eroupe for therapy.

she cried when she told that story, she said to me she didnt figure out why the same bad things about men keeps happening to her. i just listened to her story and i saw her pains was so great, even my logic still cant comprehend, i empathized.

couple of months after that i was moved to another office, and i was busy with my new job, but still she called me and sometimes we hang out together, and she never mentioned the previous guy anymore, i think she already move on. she looked happy.

until one day, me and susi, went to her apartment, and i saw a picture of a guy in her drawer, i recognized the guy in the picture, he was a help-desk IT boy from my previous office,actually he's quite young, 8 years younger than her. then she told me and susi, that she's been seeing this guy for months, and she is fall in love with him. i told her that, i thought this guy has a gf already, and susi said to her that all people in the office knew that this guy has a gf and even planned to getting married. and my friend nana, said she knows, and she told us that this guy told her that he want to break up with her gf.gosh....

once again, she told us, that the relationship is deep and "close", as me and susi saw, is "too close". but she seemed didnt care. she seemed irrational and out of touch.

a week after that, she called crying, i asked her what's happened, she told me that she found out that this guy still in relationship with his gf, and every saturday he will spend time with her. and it's crushed her. i asked he to let him go and forget about him. she refused to let go because she said the relationship has went too far already.
everyday she will called me crying heavily, she said she hated him because he always comes back to his gf,but after a day or so she will called me that she already fogive him, and she's happy again because he said he loved her so much and will broke up with her gf.
but that just empty words, he never actually broke up with his gf.

until one day, nana called me, and she said she want to do suicide because she doesnt want to live anymore. then me and susi rushed to her apartment, she told us, that the guy told her that in two months he will get marry to his gf, they already set the date, and my friend collapsed. she never stop crying, i saw her in great pains, wounded so badly, her body shaking all the time, she cant sleep nor eat, there's the first time i saw someone really suffered heavily from love. the scene was so unbearable, and for someone that never cried easily and i never cried for so long, in that moment i cried for her. my heart went with her.
but what astonished me even in great pains and badly wounded, she told us that she loved him and dont want let him go. she kept on believing that the guy loved her. i didnt i understand her at all, how come someone that treated you like shit, and dont respect you, constantly lying, and degrading your dignity, your worth, and dont giva damn of your feeling, still you believe that this person loved you? it's absurd.

but she was stubborn as mule, she even mad at me and susi when we try to reason with her. then i said to her, that her biggest mistake was she thought that when she loved a person, she has to accept anything, even when the person mistreated her, degrading her, dont respect her feeling, it's emotional abuse. i told her, if he disrespect you, treated you like shit, thats means he doesnt love you. and your biggest mistake is, you let him do that to you. you are the one that responsible for all this things happened, because he can not harm you if you dont let him to.
you let him do those awful things to you, because you thought that if you just accept it, he will know that you love him, but thats not the case,and you ended up miserable and you are the one that got wounded.it's your call not him.

i know that love hurts sometimes, but not this kinda hurt. because it's not only your heart that got hurt, but also your self-worth, your dignity, your inner being that got hit, and love will never destroy a person being like this, love can break the heart but not the self.

but sadly, she wont listen to us, she told us that she loved him and she believe that he loved her. she got mad at us for trying to help her, actually me and susi cared for her, after all we are friends.

that was three years ago. after that me and susi never heard from her again, she shut her self off from our friendship. maybe she hated us because we told her the truth, the truth that she doesnt want to hear. the last time i heard about her was from my friends, that said that she still seeing this guy even he already married.
still living in the same self made hell-hole, gosh,,i pitied her.

last night i dont why, i think about her. things that she's been thru, and things that i said to her.

somehow i laugh, it's ironically funny. it's not her that i was laugh at. it's me.

i wish i had recorded in voice recorder, things that i said to her.

whereever she is now, i hope life treat her kind, pray that oneday she finally meet the one that love her trully, someone that love her with respect, and honor her heart. wish that the next time she gives her heart away, she will make sure the person is worthed. because she deserve much much better.

Single is Awesome....

ppl have been searching for the feeling of completion and real beauty of happiness...but found none..., we had tried everything from material things, career, n people, but all those things have made us lost in the cosmic of confusion, disappointments , emptiness and unbearable sorrows..

we did try our best to live..to kept our head high, to laugh about it or even tell jokes about it.., as long as we could breathe and lives...to stay a float..but the more we struggle the more it pulled us under..and we cant breathe anymore..it's too hard...

in this hectic world, ironically we lives as lonely human being...single ppl think they should be married to ease the loneliness inside and married ppl wondered why they still can feels lonely in their castle of marriage..

as single, we are so hard to judge and blame our selves for still being single.. we chose to be single bcs there is no one that is good enough for us and we definitely dont want to marry a mediocre person...we seek the best quality

a perfection that only God can met our requirements..

single ppl feels pity on married ppl.., bcs they seems or pretends to be happy but they re bound legally and spiritually by the institution called marriage..which is limited their freedom and self actualization..

but still the single envy them bcs married women have those things that they dont have yet.." recognition from society"..our culture taught us that a perfect women is the one that married...., a cinderella syndrome that has been haunted women for generations.

single or married..we are facing the same problems of insecurity..in fact research told us that married women have higher insecurity than single women.., bcs single women have their own career, money, self-actualization, independence, freedom, and they can take a good care of them self...while married women re busy with domestic chores and sometimes domestic violence, single women re busy to have a good time of her life..

as single, we are spoiled by our freedom..., we underestimate the marriage life in the way of thinking than we can cope it easily...we re so dying to rush into marriage life, but we forgot to ask our selves a very important questions.." are we ready to sacrifice all ? " and "do we really want to get marry?"

being single is the greatest blessing and an awesome experience… just love and enjoy it…

single is time to learn about our selves, to give more to others and to focus on developing our selves...

just be productive, keep on growing, be happy n content..

bcs happiness is not a matter of having a men in ur life, but happiness comes by our decision to be happy every single day.

and contentment comes from within.

single or married..., make sure that u lives in grateful attitude..

being single... the best time in life...

My Friend "SUSI"

Susi is my close friend from my previous company, two things that i'd notice when the first time i met her, she's so vibrate and open.., she love to laugh and make ppl laughs.
despite all pains caused from her previous love relationship, she never quit to hope..

her long tiring love for a guy called "Super Jerk" has darkened her days but not her spirit and hope, i had watched her struggle to let go, and she did. her past didnt stop her to believe for someone better. she even didnt hesitate and didnt stop for post trauma experience which makes ppl to avoid and shut off every potential relationships. one thing that i learned from her, she didnt waste time to grief.

Her passion for every opportunity to find her true love, her determination and bravery efforts have made me smiled, even astonished, mostly confused.:) but deep down inside i admired her courage.

however, we often have debates about that, in my logical skeptic mind i disagreed with her irrational thinking. (she called it "Hope", i saw it as "another potential disappointments").

That was last year.

today she's planning her wedding. Her hope has becoming reality. Finally she met her Prince. at the end of last year she met someone better, a men that love and adore her. Her true love. she's living a hope come true. so hope really works after all.

Her experience has radically changed me.
she said to me. ' whatever happens dont quit to hope".

in my own words, " Hope will find love, just dont stop hope"

LIFE TOO SHORT TO BE LITTLE

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things that we
should forget about at once. Perhaps someone we helped has
proven ungrateful, someone we believed to be a friend has
spoken ill of us, some regard we thought we deserved has
been denied to us.

We feel such disappointment so strongly that we can no longer
work, or even sleep.

We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances
that in a year's time will be forgotten by us and everybody
else. Let us devote our lives to worthwhile feelings and
actions, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring
actions for others. Life is too short to be litle.

Reality of love (1)

We know that Love hurts…
but if we love until it hurts
then there ever will be no more hurts
only LOVE..

-Mother Theresa

i really loves those beautiful words, i believe that love brings death to our carnality of mind so it can brings life to our spiritual life, and Mother Theresa's life is a living proof. that love never fails and always wins.

Reality Bites, so what.

life is full of sudden surprises, sometimes it makes us smile and laugh, sometimes it hit us to the core, and it hurts.

but courage is a divine power to makes us understand and move forward.

reality bites..i know, been there n done that..still im learning, but one thing i know for sure, in the end of the day..i will be grateful for every single thing that life has brought me.

reality bites, so what.