I Am Me

I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt,laughs and cries.

I am Me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it.
I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.
If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.
I am me, and I am Okay.

Love Is Not Enough

We think that the hardest thing in a relationship is finding the right person. After that, we fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Those in a relationship know all too well that fairy tales are only true in the movies. The truth of the matter is that having and maintaining a relationship is not easy.
Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other.

Few things that we have to realize that.

TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS

a mature individual is defind as a person who has a sense of self. He/she is able to recognize that both members in the relationship are different. They are able to see that each has a different heritage, a different way of thinking, feeling and possibly different beliefs.
The mature person is able to recognize the I, Me and the Us in the relationship. With all the differences in personalities, thoughts and feelings, it’s a wonder that we got together in the first place.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS

The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to a relationship. Good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car. Without oil in the car, internal parts will burn up and the car will be ready for the scrap pile. Communication is important!

There are no mind readers. For a relationship to grow and prosper, likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, dreams and problems need to be said. If a couple’s communication is restricted, the relationship is destined for major problems down the road.

ABILITY TO COMPROMISE

The ability to compromise refers to an individual’s willingness and proficiency at finding the middle ground. Being able to compromise is a sign of maturity. It is also needed in any relationship. If one person always gets his/her way, the other person is bound to feel dominated, and resentful. These negative feelings can rip the heart right out of any relationship. Finding the happy middle can provide the best of both worlds… giving and receiving. Sharing the last dish of ice cream with a friend is always better than eating it all alone, isn’t it?

SUPPORT AND TRUST

One of the benefits of a relationship is that we will have someone in our corner to support us and to affirm our existence. This support adds to the trust that is needed in any relationship. Without mutual support, a trusting relationship will not develop. Each member must have its emotional needs met in order to continue to invest in the relationship. The continued support and the being there for the other person emotionally is the way in which trust is developed. If a trusting relationship is cultivated and maintained, the ability to try new adventures and take new risks are enhanced.

LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING

The open expression of feeling in any relationship is vital to the continued growth of the relationship. Lovemaking should not be overlooked in a relationship, but it need not be the only ingredient that exists in a relationship either. Lovemaking is the icing on the cake and it gets there by mixing all of the above mentioned ingredients.

Good lovemaking starts outside of the bedroom. If you want to increase the frequency and intensity of your lovemaking, try to increase the frequency and intensity of your communication, willingness to work as a team, sharing of self, being kind and supportive, give space and freedom to explore individual interests. All of these ingredients will add to the makings of a fine, wonderfully iced cake.

Take Courage

Human relationship are complex and complicated.it takes more than love. it takes courage.

some people never realize that they brought their past relationships in their current, they unconsciously brought their emotional baggages of pains, wounds,disappointments from their previous relationships, all things that i called " garbage" that should be thrown away and left behind.

sometimes people didnt aware that they have been carrying those emotional baggages into their current relationship, those things will cause fears and doubts, all negative in nature.
when we then go onto the next relationship, these same fears and negative emotions trigger negative or irrational thoughts and behaviors within us. These behaviors then have a negative impact on the new relationship. Instead of protecting you from having the original hurtful experience repeat itself, these behaviors can actually cause that experience to recur time and time again. The fears and hurt feelings only then grow and now become justified within your own mind as correct. This creates a cycle that you then feel unable to escape from in your romantic life.

And while we all carry some emotional baggage, it turns out that some of us carry quite a bit more of it than others. More to the point, some of us allow our most troublesome relationships from our pasts to affect-and in some cases do severe damage to-our current relationships.

Just because certain ex-partners may have mistreated you in the past, don't make the sweeping assumption that every single person you date from this point forward will treat you shabbily as well. Each new person you meet has the right to be evaluated based on his/her own unique merits and flaws, (as opposed to being evaluated based on your past relationship experiences). You certainly don't want to miss out on getting to know a potential "Mr/Mrs Perfect-For-You" because you are too busy unfairly projecting your past negative relationship experiences onto him/her.

always bear in mind that you actually have an enormous say in the creation of your own "Relationship destiny." And if you put your mind to it, you truly can break free from past destructive dating patterns.

And while it can be incredibly hard to open your heart and make yourself vulnerable to a new partner (especially if you have been hurt repeatedly in the past), please remember that life sometimes requires us to take a leap of faith so that we can continue to grow emotionally.

As much as I would love to say that the best relationships in life are the "easy" ones, unfortunately that isn't the case.
The more difficult they are, the more worthwhile they ultimately turn out to be in the long run. The more we are able to learn from these relationships as we bring meaningful resolve to our own baggage, the more we are able to become emotionally stronger and healthier for the right partners for us.

it takes courage to move on from emotional baggage from the past, it takes courage to put your faith in your new relationship, it takes courage to open your heart completely to your partner,it takes courage to hope for new, beautiful, amazing, long term relationship with your current partner.

because if you dont have courage to left all your emotional baggages behind, it will destroy any chance of happiness in your current relationship. and you wont want that to happen, aren't you?

God, You Are Strong Enough

As i rest against this cold hard wall
will you pass me by?
will you critize me as i sit and cry?
I had fought so hard
and thought that all my battles had been won
only to find the war had just begun

is He not strong enough?
is He not pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?

will my weakness for an hour
make me suffer for a lifetime
is there any way to be made whole again?

if im healed,renewed,and find forgiveness
find the strength i never had
will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?

is He not strong enough?
is He not pure pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?

He took my life into His hands
and turned it all around
in my most desperate circumstance
it's there i finally found

that You are strong enough
that You are pure enough
to break me, pour me out and start again
that You are brave enough
to take one chance on me
thank you for my chance to start again.

i had a friend, i called her Nana, we were in the same office years ago, she was one of my cool friend, like to hang out with her after office.there was the three of us, me, susi and nana. we were a very good friends back then.

Physically nana is gorgeous, some people said she looked like sandra dewi,she graduate from state, living abroad for a while,her family is wealthy and well-known, she never suffered poverty or even ride a public transportation in her whole life. she has everything that women ever want. i mean she got eveything. looks, money, abroad- education. and her personality is nearly flawless, everybody like her as a friend, she is humble, kind,helpful,funny, and easy going.

There's only one flaw. her weakness in men.

being one of her good friend back then, she sometimes told me and poured out her desire to be loved and have someone that really love her. in her past life she was the one that had been cheated, lied, and played, and left by all her ex-boy friends.
it's surprised me because i didnt see anything wrong with her.

one day , she told me she was having a relationship without status with a married guy, and she was devastated. this on and off going relationship had been going for years, but never once she want to let go. even she's hurting so much.

i told her to let him go, i told her she just wasting her time, and she's not younger anymore, she's already in her 30's, and this kinda relationship will destroy her.

after a long thought, she finally decided to let go, and in the same time, she met this guy from office, actually i was the one that hook her up with him, and i know that this guy like her and they went on dating, she really like him, and they just looked good together. but later i found out that, this guy didnt want to commit with her, and when i asked her how she would do about it, she just said she love him and she's fine with that. they had been going out for a year or so, and when my friend asked him about commitment, he just said he's not ready. but as far as i know they were close, i meant "close'.
when i knew about it, i was angry with her, it didnt make sense at all how she accept to be treated like that. then i remember one of her story about one of her ex, that treated her so bad by hitting her constantly, but she never want to break up with him because she said she love him, then out of the blue the guy dumped her and married to someone else. she got very shocked have a nervous breakdown, she took a year off from working, her family flew her to eroupe for therapy.

she cried when she told that story, she said to me she didnt figure out why the same bad things about men keeps happening to her. i just listened to her story and i saw her pains was so great, even my logic still cant comprehend, i empathized.

couple of months after that i was moved to another office, and i was busy with my new job, but still she called me and sometimes we hang out together, and she never mentioned the previous guy anymore, i think she already move on. she looked happy.

until one day, me and susi, went to her apartment, and i saw a picture of a guy in her drawer, i recognized the guy in the picture, he was a help-desk IT boy from my previous office,actually he's quite young, 8 years younger than her. then she told me and susi, that she's been seeing this guy for months, and she is fall in love with him. i told her that, i thought this guy has a gf already, and susi said to her that all people in the office knew that this guy has a gf and even planned to getting married. and my friend nana, said she knows, and she told us that this guy told her that he want to break up with her gf.gosh....

once again, she told us, that the relationship is deep and "close", as me and susi saw, is "too close". but she seemed didnt care. she seemed irrational and out of touch.

a week after that, she called crying, i asked her what's happened, she told me that she found out that this guy still in relationship with his gf, and every saturday he will spend time with her. and it's crushed her. i asked he to let him go and forget about him. she refused to let go because she said the relationship has went too far already.
everyday she will called me crying heavily, she said she hated him because he always comes back to his gf,but after a day or so she will called me that she already fogive him, and she's happy again because he said he loved her so much and will broke up with her gf.
but that just empty words, he never actually broke up with his gf.

until one day, nana called me, and she said she want to do suicide because she doesnt want to live anymore. then me and susi rushed to her apartment, she told us, that the guy told her that in two months he will get marry to his gf, they already set the date, and my friend collapsed. she never stop crying, i saw her in great pains, wounded so badly, her body shaking all the time, she cant sleep nor eat, there's the first time i saw someone really suffered heavily from love. the scene was so unbearable, and for someone that never cried easily and i never cried for so long, in that moment i cried for her. my heart went with her.
but what astonished me even in great pains and badly wounded, she told us that she loved him and dont want let him go. she kept on believing that the guy loved her. i didnt i understand her at all, how come someone that treated you like shit, and dont respect you, constantly lying, and degrading your dignity, your worth, and dont giva damn of your feeling, still you believe that this person loved you? it's absurd.

but she was stubborn as mule, she even mad at me and susi when we try to reason with her. then i said to her, that her biggest mistake was she thought that when she loved a person, she has to accept anything, even when the person mistreated her, degrading her, dont respect her feeling, it's emotional abuse. i told her, if he disrespect you, treated you like shit, thats means he doesnt love you. and your biggest mistake is, you let him do that to you. you are the one that responsible for all this things happened, because he can not harm you if you dont let him to.
you let him do those awful things to you, because you thought that if you just accept it, he will know that you love him, but thats not the case,and you ended up miserable and you are the one that got wounded.it's your call not him.

i know that love hurts sometimes, but not this kinda hurt. because it's not only your heart that got hurt, but also your self-worth, your dignity, your inner being that got hit, and love will never destroy a person being like this, love can break the heart but not the self.

but sadly, she wont listen to us, she told us that she loved him and she believe that he loved her. she got mad at us for trying to help her, actually me and susi cared for her, after all we are friends.

that was three years ago. after that me and susi never heard from her again, she shut her self off from our friendship. maybe she hated us because we told her the truth, the truth that she doesnt want to hear. the last time i heard about her was from my friends, that said that she still seeing this guy even he already married.
still living in the same self made hell-hole, gosh,,i pitied her.

last night i dont why, i think about her. things that she's been thru, and things that i said to her.

somehow i laugh, it's ironically funny. it's not her that i was laugh at. it's me.

i wish i had recorded in voice recorder, things that i said to her.

whereever she is now, i hope life treat her kind, pray that oneday she finally meet the one that love her trully, someone that love her with respect, and honor her heart. wish that the next time she gives her heart away, she will make sure the person is worthed. because she deserve much much better.