Sometimes in a brief of flashes or flames,
I see, hear, something gives chill on the spine
and punch straight to the heart.
It reveals, unveils, enlights to my consciousness
intellectually, emotionally, spiritually
like a gentle slap in the face,
or sharp knive stab me not to kill
only to remove the bullet in my chest
In silent of tonight
i shiver, shaken, but somehow understand.
Sometimes it takes hurts to be made understand,
that understanding is bloody priceless.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Fine (conversation with my self)
What are you feeling?
Im fine.
Are you happy?
Im fine
So you are not happy then?
Im fine
Are you sad?
Try not to. Im fine.
Are you mad?
just cant think mad. Im fine.
So what exactly do you feel?
Im fine. fine. fine.fine.
Why you put too much fine in your answer?
Just in case you ask again.
Is there some thing upset you?
Some thing up set me and some thing just dont, what is the different anyway? im still fine.
What your mind telling you?
I ought to be fine.
What your heart telling you?
I will be fine.
So are you trying to be brave?
Im not brave enough, but im just fine enough.
Are you tired?
"smile"..
Why are u smiling? are you tired?
"smile. again" ...
Why you keep on smiling? and not answering my question? ok i repeat my question for the third time. tell me are you tired?
" still smiling, now with a big grin"...
Why are you silently smiling?and still not answering???
Im fine.
Are you happy?
Im fine
So you are not happy then?
Im fine
Are you sad?
Try not to. Im fine.
Are you mad?
just cant think mad. Im fine.
So what exactly do you feel?
Im fine. fine. fine.fine.
Why you put too much fine in your answer?
Just in case you ask again.
Is there some thing upset you?
Some thing up set me and some thing just dont, what is the different anyway? im still fine.
What your mind telling you?
I ought to be fine.
What your heart telling you?
I will be fine.
So are you trying to be brave?
Im not brave enough, but im just fine enough.
Are you tired?
"smile"..
Why are u smiling? are you tired?
"smile. again" ...
Why you keep on smiling? and not answering my question? ok i repeat my question for the third time. tell me are you tired?
" still smiling, now with a big grin"...
Why are you silently smiling?and still not answering???
Be...
When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night be too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night be too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.
Into my own
One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as ’twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
I do not see why I should e’er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
They would not find me changed from him they knew
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as ’twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
I do not see why I should e’er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
They would not find me changed from him they knew
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
Friday, July 2, 2010
From that time on, the world was hers for the reading. She would never be lonely again, never miss the lack intimate friends. Books became her friends and there was one for every mood. There was poetry for quiet companionship. There was adventure when she tired of quiet hours. There would be love stories when she came into adolescence and when she wanted to feel a closeness to someone she could read a biography. On that day when she first knew she could read, she made a vow to read one book a day as long as she lived.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Subconscious
Under the dark warm waters of sleep
your hands part me.
I am dreaming you anyway.
Your mouth is hot fruit, wet, strange,
night-fruit I taste with my opening mouth;
my eyes closed.
You, you. Your breath flares into fervent words
which explode in my head. Then you ask, push,
for an answer.
And this is how we sleep. You're in now, hard,
demanding; so I dream more fiercely, dream
till it hurts
that this is for real, yes, I feel it.
When you hear me, you hold on tight, frantic,
as if we were drowning.
your hands part me.
I am dreaming you anyway.
Your mouth is hot fruit, wet, strange,
night-fruit I taste with my opening mouth;
my eyes closed.
You, you. Your breath flares into fervent words
which explode in my head. Then you ask, push,
for an answer.
And this is how we sleep. You're in now, hard,
demanding; so I dream more fiercely, dream
till it hurts
that this is for real, yes, I feel it.
When you hear me, you hold on tight, frantic,
as if we were drowning.
Just a thought
Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Why I Love My Dogs
The dog has been esteemed and loved by all the people on earth and he has deserved this affection for he renders services that have made him man's best friend.
Alfred Barbou
Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.
Agatha Christie
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
Charles de Gaulle
The more I see of the depressing stature of people, the more I admire my dogs.
Alphonse de Lamartine
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
M. Facklam
If you want loyalty, get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention, get a smart dog.
Grant Fairley
The dogs in our lives, the dogs we come to love and who (we fervently believe) love us in return, offer more than fidelity, consolation, and companionship. They offer comedy, irony, wit, and a wealth of anecdotes, the "shaggy dog stories" and "stupid pet tricks" that are commonplace pleasures of life. They offer, if we are wise enough or simple enough to take it, a model for what it means to give your heart with little thought of return. Both powerfully imaginary and comfortingly real, dogs act as mirrors for our own beliefs about what would constitute a truly humane society. Perhaps it is not too late for them to teach us some new tricks.
Marjorie Garber
Read Nothing but love has made the dog lose his wild freedom, to become the servant of man.
D.H. Lawrence
Alfred Barbou
Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.
Agatha Christie
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
Charles de Gaulle
The more I see of the depressing stature of people, the more I admire my dogs.
Alphonse de Lamartine
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
M. Facklam
If you want loyalty, get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention, get a smart dog.
Grant Fairley
The dogs in our lives, the dogs we come to love and who (we fervently believe) love us in return, offer more than fidelity, consolation, and companionship. They offer comedy, irony, wit, and a wealth of anecdotes, the "shaggy dog stories" and "stupid pet tricks" that are commonplace pleasures of life. They offer, if we are wise enough or simple enough to take it, a model for what it means to give your heart with little thought of return. Both powerfully imaginary and comfortingly real, dogs act as mirrors for our own beliefs about what would constitute a truly humane society. Perhaps it is not too late for them to teach us some new tricks.
Marjorie Garber
Read Nothing but love has made the dog lose his wild freedom, to become the servant of man.
D.H. Lawrence
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Thing Is...
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
When someone deeply listens to you
When someone deeply listens to you
it is like holding out a dented cup
you’ve had since childhood
and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote
your first poem
begins to glow in your mind’s eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!
When someone deeply listens to you
your barefeet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.
— John Fox
it is like holding out a dented cup
you’ve had since childhood
and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote
your first poem
begins to glow in your mind’s eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!
When someone deeply listens to you
your barefeet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.
— John Fox
It's not a word
It is not a word spoken,
Few words are said;
Nor even a look of the eyes
Nor a bend of the head,
But only a hush of the heart
That has too much to keep,
Only memories waking
That sleep so light a sleep.
Few words are said;
Nor even a look of the eyes
Nor a bend of the head,
But only a hush of the heart
That has too much to keep,
Only memories waking
That sleep so light a sleep.
Traffic Jam. Lesson Learned
Have you ever stuck in traffic jam for 7 horrible hours? I have. As I recalled it was during flood season when I was driving my car on the way to work, for me the experience was unbelievably traumatic. As well as many people often struggle to deal with an unavoidable Jakarta’s traffic jam, which is commonly at the peak of its hectic hours in the morning and after working-hours. Waiting in traffic jam is frustrating and stress producing, the experience is tormenting either driving alone or with a driver. Nothing could possibly be worse than Jakarta’s traffic jam. And we have to deal with it in every single day.
I love living in Jakarta, this dynamic urban city offers hope, opportunity, and challenge for people that try to make a living here. Jakarta has been recognizes to be one of the largest city in the world, and its vast development has made many Jakartans feels proud. With its wide roads, ring roads, toll roads, and the latest is busway, should make traveling in Jakarta easier and accessible. How ever, as one of the most populous cities in the world, the city layout is chaotic and totally bewildering, Jakarta’s traffic has been notorious for its perpetual grid-lock, the traffic is indisputably the worst in South-East Asia with horrendous traffic jams slowing the city to a crawl during rush hour.
While waiting in traffic jam, try to look outside of your car window, and view the car or the motorcycle near you, you will actually find some people with tight faces ready to do combat to reach their destination. The waiting experience is exhausting and drained you physically and emotionally. And to make the experience even worst are the behavior of buses and angkot that rudely cut off your line, the new king of the road are motorcycles, they comes with incredible force as a unit, undoubtedly will drive you crazy. You should have some extra-ordinary driving skills in able to survive in Jakarta’s traffic.
How ever, despite all the ugliness of Jakarta’s traffic, I simply admire the resilient of Jakarta’s resident to keep on driving their vehicles every day in one of most chaotic and unorganized roads in the world. How they could manage to wake up every morning and drive into the madness of perpetual traffic jam. Then after a long tiring day at work, they have to face another battle of long hours stuck in the same traffic jam, again. Or did you ever notice those people that traveled with bus or angkot, they do not have the luxury of air conditioner or comfortable seat, most of the times the bus is too crowded and do not have enough space so many passengers must endure hours of standing in the bus. Their ability to survive in one of the toughest traffic jam in the world, Jakarta’s residents should be given a trophy.
Traffic jam is like a ground test for human character, it tested your resilience, your strength of endurance and it tested your patience. Those valuable experiences are priceless. You will be utterly amazed how small things can really teach you great lessons.
Life in many mysterious ways, teach and test people, from lousy day at work, quarrel with spouse, or even being stuck miserably in traffic jam, it is the way you respond that matter most. Everything that happens in life creates lessons, lessons produces values, and values transforms character.
I love living in Jakarta, this dynamic urban city offers hope, opportunity, and challenge for people that try to make a living here. Jakarta has been recognizes to be one of the largest city in the world, and its vast development has made many Jakartans feels proud. With its wide roads, ring roads, toll roads, and the latest is busway, should make traveling in Jakarta easier and accessible. How ever, as one of the most populous cities in the world, the city layout is chaotic and totally bewildering, Jakarta’s traffic has been notorious for its perpetual grid-lock, the traffic is indisputably the worst in South-East Asia with horrendous traffic jams slowing the city to a crawl during rush hour.
While waiting in traffic jam, try to look outside of your car window, and view the car or the motorcycle near you, you will actually find some people with tight faces ready to do combat to reach their destination. The waiting experience is exhausting and drained you physically and emotionally. And to make the experience even worst are the behavior of buses and angkot that rudely cut off your line, the new king of the road are motorcycles, they comes with incredible force as a unit, undoubtedly will drive you crazy. You should have some extra-ordinary driving skills in able to survive in Jakarta’s traffic.
How ever, despite all the ugliness of Jakarta’s traffic, I simply admire the resilient of Jakarta’s resident to keep on driving their vehicles every day in one of most chaotic and unorganized roads in the world. How they could manage to wake up every morning and drive into the madness of perpetual traffic jam. Then after a long tiring day at work, they have to face another battle of long hours stuck in the same traffic jam, again. Or did you ever notice those people that traveled with bus or angkot, they do not have the luxury of air conditioner or comfortable seat, most of the times the bus is too crowded and do not have enough space so many passengers must endure hours of standing in the bus. Their ability to survive in one of the toughest traffic jam in the world, Jakarta’s residents should be given a trophy.
Traffic jam is like a ground test for human character, it tested your resilience, your strength of endurance and it tested your patience. Those valuable experiences are priceless. You will be utterly amazed how small things can really teach you great lessons.
Life in many mysterious ways, teach and test people, from lousy day at work, quarrel with spouse, or even being stuck miserably in traffic jam, it is the way you respond that matter most. Everything that happens in life creates lessons, lessons produces values, and values transforms character.
My Perception of Beauty
The world’s perception of beauty has become commodity. Some people without realizing they already become a victim of commercialization of beauty. In today’s society we are bombarded with images of beauty, urged and practically forced by media and pop culture to attain physical beauty as the key of happiness and success in life. In a result of that some have based their self-worth and self image on false and wrong ideals. The standard of beauty has been determined by perfect appearance and beautifully flawless, men and especially women are set their goal to reach that unrealistic expectation. The world are sometimes cruel with words and actions, full of uncertainty that maybe yesterday they said you are beautiful enough and tomorrow you probably may not, some people has become sensitive and fragile to keep up with the world’s irrational standard.
In this free-world era, still some people a captive from their own wrong self-image. Even some modern-sophisticated urbanites whom are smart, confidence and financially independent, sometimes felt that they can not escape from the social pressure to be perfectly beautiful outwardly. Some are struggle desperately to fit in with the commercial standard of beauty, and chose an extreme way from an extreme plastic surgery to starve-to death diet (actually this kind of action most likely done by women than men). Do not get me wrong, I am not taking an opposite position toward outward beauty because I believe that both inner and outward beauty have the significant role in our personal development. We have to take good care of our physical being and want to feel good about our selves is not a sin. But mortal beauty and perfectly flawless physically are pseudo-myth and to pursuit it wholeheartedly would not only shattered your self-worth but also would bring painful disappointment in the end.
In today’s society the definition of beauty has radically changed. Beauty has become exclusive. In it exclusiveness, outward beauty already become an ambition which requiring some men and women to focused on becoming exceedingly attractive physically. There is a social pressure especially for women to be beautiful. Most of the time both sexes felt that they have been judged not by the content of their characters but by their physical appearances.
Our society need people who stood up saying they are beautiful no matter what the world says, they are proud to be imperfect, those kind of people will stands out in society and eventually in the world. Their strength comes from their inner beings, it is where the true self dwells. Physical beauty will gradually degrading and the artificial beauty will eventually vanished, it is our inner beauty that soars beyond ages and surpasses time, strengthen us to overcome life and help us go through our darkest and most difficult times, it is our anchor to pull our self when we feel we are slipping away.
I love my self too much to bother with what the world say, because the world’s standard is unreal and vain, it just commercial agenda that targeting people with wounded ego and low self-esteem, thank god not every one is victimized, there are still people with common sense after all.
As for me beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, because eyes can easily be fooled, blurred and distracted, but I believe if we look every one from the eyes of our heart, we will see the beauty within.
as there's a saying “Beauty is in the heart of the beholder”.
In this free-world era, still some people a captive from their own wrong self-image. Even some modern-sophisticated urbanites whom are smart, confidence and financially independent, sometimes felt that they can not escape from the social pressure to be perfectly beautiful outwardly. Some are struggle desperately to fit in with the commercial standard of beauty, and chose an extreme way from an extreme plastic surgery to starve-to death diet (actually this kind of action most likely done by women than men). Do not get me wrong, I am not taking an opposite position toward outward beauty because I believe that both inner and outward beauty have the significant role in our personal development. We have to take good care of our physical being and want to feel good about our selves is not a sin. But mortal beauty and perfectly flawless physically are pseudo-myth and to pursuit it wholeheartedly would not only shattered your self-worth but also would bring painful disappointment in the end.
In today’s society the definition of beauty has radically changed. Beauty has become exclusive. In it exclusiveness, outward beauty already become an ambition which requiring some men and women to focused on becoming exceedingly attractive physically. There is a social pressure especially for women to be beautiful. Most of the time both sexes felt that they have been judged not by the content of their characters but by their physical appearances.
Our society need people who stood up saying they are beautiful no matter what the world says, they are proud to be imperfect, those kind of people will stands out in society and eventually in the world. Their strength comes from their inner beings, it is where the true self dwells. Physical beauty will gradually degrading and the artificial beauty will eventually vanished, it is our inner beauty that soars beyond ages and surpasses time, strengthen us to overcome life and help us go through our darkest and most difficult times, it is our anchor to pull our self when we feel we are slipping away.
I love my self too much to bother with what the world say, because the world’s standard is unreal and vain, it just commercial agenda that targeting people with wounded ego and low self-esteem, thank god not every one is victimized, there are still people with common sense after all.
As for me beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, because eyes can easily be fooled, blurred and distracted, but I believe if we look every one from the eyes of our heart, we will see the beauty within.
as there's a saying “Beauty is in the heart of the beholder”.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
May wind
I said, "I have shut my heart
As one shuts an open door,
That Love may starve therein
And trouble me no more."
But over the roofs there came
The wet new wind of May,
And a tune blew up from the curb
Where the street-pianos play.
My room was white with the sun
And Love cried out in me,
"I am strong, I will break your heart
Unless you set me free."
As one shuts an open door,
That Love may starve therein
And trouble me no more."
But over the roofs there came
The wet new wind of May,
And a tune blew up from the curb
Where the street-pianos play.
My room was white with the sun
And Love cried out in me,
"I am strong, I will break your heart
Unless you set me free."
The A Team
i was devastatingly bitter when my favorite under dog team, USA team lost the game to ghana. the excitement of the early winning cant replace the disappointment afterwards. when i saw Ghana scored for the second time, that was unbearable to watch, but i was still hoping that the US can make the surprise comebacks as this team had done it several times during the previous games. the last minutes of the 15 mins extra hours was closing, and i just watch my beloved team exhausted but still keep on fighting to score. i cant watch anymore and i just retreat to my room and pull my blanket to my face, and i felt so sad that night. the next morning, when i open my bedroom door, my mom greeted me with " did you know that USA lost to ghana last nite?" and thats was it. there's no words came out from my mouth, i just walked passed my mom, i dont realize that i simply ignored her, i can still feel the disappointment in my chest. usually during this world cup after every games, my family, my parents, and two of my brothers, excitingly review the previous games that we watched yesterday, and we start to analyze it like a pro football comentator:) but actually it's just becoz we love the game. but this morning is different, there's no reviewing talks, even not a word of yesterday's game. maybe we all share the same disappointment and we really fond of USA team. we really want them to win.
i still got three of my favorite teams, oranje team, tango team and samba team. but i think my heart was gone with USA team.
USA team, is not consists of star players from elite european football clubs, or even football players that worth millions like rooney, kaka, cristiano ronaldo, or messy. they are not even a favorite team like, argentina, netherlands, brazil, england or spain and portugal.
but they play with the heart, their persistence and resillience amazed me. with their two legitimate goals had denied by the referees, they made excellent comebacks when they played against slovenia, miracle goals against algeria, by donovan when only 2 mins before the games was over. they never give up. thats caught my heart.
i still got three of my favorite teams, oranje team, tango team and samba team. but i think my heart was gone with USA team.
USA team, is not consists of star players from elite european football clubs, or even football players that worth millions like rooney, kaka, cristiano ronaldo, or messy. they are not even a favorite team like, argentina, netherlands, brazil, england or spain and portugal.
but they play with the heart, their persistence and resillience amazed me. with their two legitimate goals had denied by the referees, they made excellent comebacks when they played against slovenia, miracle goals against algeria, by donovan when only 2 mins before the games was over. they never give up. thats caught my heart.
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