i had a friend, i called her Nana, we were in the same office years ago, she was one of my cool friend, like to hang out with her after office.there was the three of us, me, susi and nana. we were a very good friends back then.

Physically nana is gorgeous, some people said she looked like sandra dewi,she graduate from state, living abroad for a while,her family is wealthy and well-known, she never suffered poverty or even ride a public transportation in her whole life. she has everything that women ever want. i mean she got eveything. looks, money, abroad- education. and her personality is nearly flawless, everybody like her as a friend, she is humble, kind,helpful,funny, and easy going.

There's only one flaw. her weakness in men.

being one of her good friend back then, she sometimes told me and poured out her desire to be loved and have someone that really love her. in her past life she was the one that had been cheated, lied, and played, and left by all her ex-boy friends.
it's surprised me because i didnt see anything wrong with her.

one day , she told me she was having a relationship without status with a married guy, and she was devastated. this on and off going relationship had been going for years, but never once she want to let go. even she's hurting so much.

i told her to let him go, i told her she just wasting her time, and she's not younger anymore, she's already in her 30's, and this kinda relationship will destroy her.

after a long thought, she finally decided to let go, and in the same time, she met this guy from office, actually i was the one that hook her up with him, and i know that this guy like her and they went on dating, she really like him, and they just looked good together. but later i found out that, this guy didnt want to commit with her, and when i asked her how she would do about it, she just said she love him and she's fine with that. they had been going out for a year or so, and when my friend asked him about commitment, he just said he's not ready. but as far as i know they were close, i meant "close'.
when i knew about it, i was angry with her, it didnt make sense at all how she accept to be treated like that. then i remember one of her story about one of her ex, that treated her so bad by hitting her constantly, but she never want to break up with him because she said she love him, then out of the blue the guy dumped her and married to someone else. she got very shocked have a nervous breakdown, she took a year off from working, her family flew her to eroupe for therapy.

she cried when she told that story, she said to me she didnt figure out why the same bad things about men keeps happening to her. i just listened to her story and i saw her pains was so great, even my logic still cant comprehend, i empathized.

couple of months after that i was moved to another office, and i was busy with my new job, but still she called me and sometimes we hang out together, and she never mentioned the previous guy anymore, i think she already move on. she looked happy.

until one day, me and susi, went to her apartment, and i saw a picture of a guy in her drawer, i recognized the guy in the picture, he was a help-desk IT boy from my previous office,actually he's quite young, 8 years younger than her. then she told me and susi, that she's been seeing this guy for months, and she is fall in love with him. i told her that, i thought this guy has a gf already, and susi said to her that all people in the office knew that this guy has a gf and even planned to getting married. and my friend nana, said she knows, and she told us that this guy told her that he want to break up with her gf.gosh....

once again, she told us, that the relationship is deep and "close", as me and susi saw, is "too close". but she seemed didnt care. she seemed irrational and out of touch.

a week after that, she called crying, i asked her what's happened, she told me that she found out that this guy still in relationship with his gf, and every saturday he will spend time with her. and it's crushed her. i asked he to let him go and forget about him. she refused to let go because she said the relationship has went too far already.
everyday she will called me crying heavily, she said she hated him because he always comes back to his gf,but after a day or so she will called me that she already fogive him, and she's happy again because he said he loved her so much and will broke up with her gf.
but that just empty words, he never actually broke up with his gf.

until one day, nana called me, and she said she want to do suicide because she doesnt want to live anymore. then me and susi rushed to her apartment, she told us, that the guy told her that in two months he will get marry to his gf, they already set the date, and my friend collapsed. she never stop crying, i saw her in great pains, wounded so badly, her body shaking all the time, she cant sleep nor eat, there's the first time i saw someone really suffered heavily from love. the scene was so unbearable, and for someone that never cried easily and i never cried for so long, in that moment i cried for her. my heart went with her.
but what astonished me even in great pains and badly wounded, she told us that she loved him and dont want let him go. she kept on believing that the guy loved her. i didnt i understand her at all, how come someone that treated you like shit, and dont respect you, constantly lying, and degrading your dignity, your worth, and dont giva damn of your feeling, still you believe that this person loved you? it's absurd.

but she was stubborn as mule, she even mad at me and susi when we try to reason with her. then i said to her, that her biggest mistake was she thought that when she loved a person, she has to accept anything, even when the person mistreated her, degrading her, dont respect her feeling, it's emotional abuse. i told her, if he disrespect you, treated you like shit, thats means he doesnt love you. and your biggest mistake is, you let him do that to you. you are the one that responsible for all this things happened, because he can not harm you if you dont let him to.
you let him do those awful things to you, because you thought that if you just accept it, he will know that you love him, but thats not the case,and you ended up miserable and you are the one that got wounded.it's your call not him.

i know that love hurts sometimes, but not this kinda hurt. because it's not only your heart that got hurt, but also your self-worth, your dignity, your inner being that got hit, and love will never destroy a person being like this, love can break the heart but not the self.

but sadly, she wont listen to us, she told us that she loved him and she believe that he loved her. she got mad at us for trying to help her, actually me and susi cared for her, after all we are friends.

that was three years ago. after that me and susi never heard from her again, she shut her self off from our friendship. maybe she hated us because we told her the truth, the truth that she doesnt want to hear. the last time i heard about her was from my friends, that said that she still seeing this guy even he already married.
still living in the same self made hell-hole, gosh,,i pitied her.

last night i dont why, i think about her. things that she's been thru, and things that i said to her.

somehow i laugh, it's ironically funny. it's not her that i was laugh at. it's me.

i wish i had recorded in voice recorder, things that i said to her.

whereever she is now, i hope life treat her kind, pray that oneday she finally meet the one that love her trully, someone that love her with respect, and honor her heart. wish that the next time she gives her heart away, she will make sure the person is worthed. because she deserve much much better.