May wind

I said, "I have shut my heart
As one shuts an open door,
That Love may starve therein
And trouble me no more."

But over the roofs there came
The wet new wind of May,
And a tune blew up from the curb
Where the street-pianos play.

My room was white with the sun
And Love cried out in me,
"I am strong, I will break your heart
Unless you set me free."

The A Team

i was devastatingly bitter when my favorite under dog team, USA team lost the game to ghana. the excitement of the early winning cant replace the disappointment afterwards. when i saw Ghana scored for the second time, that was unbearable to watch, but i was still hoping that the US can make the surprise comebacks as this team had done it several times during the previous games. the last minutes of the 15 mins extra hours was closing, and i just watch my beloved team exhausted but still keep on fighting to score. i cant watch anymore and i just retreat to my room and pull my blanket to my face, and i felt so sad that night. the next morning, when i open my bedroom door, my mom greeted me with " did you know that USA lost to ghana last nite?" and thats was it. there's no words came out from my mouth, i just walked passed my mom, i dont realize that i simply ignored her, i can still feel the disappointment in my chest. usually during this world cup after every games, my family, my parents, and two of my brothers, excitingly review the previous games that we watched yesterday, and we start to analyze it like a pro football comentator:) but actually it's just becoz we love the game. but this morning is different, there's no reviewing talks, even not a word of yesterday's game. maybe we all share the same disappointment and we really fond of USA team. we really want them to win.

i still got three of my favorite teams, oranje team, tango team and samba team. but i think my heart was gone with USA team.

USA team, is not consists of star players from elite european football clubs, or even football players that worth millions like rooney, kaka, cristiano ronaldo, or messy. they are not even a favorite team like, argentina, netherlands, brazil, england or spain and portugal.

but they play with the heart, their persistence and resillience amazed me. with their two legitimate goals had denied by the referees, they made excellent comebacks when they played against slovenia, miracle goals against algeria, by donovan when only 2 mins before the games was over. they never give up. thats caught my heart.

I Love You and I Fight You

I often see how you sob over what you destroy, how you want to stop and just worship; and you do stop, and then a moment later you are at it again with a knife, like a surgeon.

What ferocity in your quest of it. You destroy and you suffer. In some strange way I am not with you, I am against you. We are destined to hold two truths. I love you and I fight you. And you, the same. We will be stronger for it, each of us, stronger with our love and our hate. When you caricature and nail down and tear apart, I hate you. I want to answer you, not with weak or stupid poetry but with a wonder as strong as your reality. I want to fight your surgical knife with all the occult and magical forces of the world."

Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Euthanasia

Euthanasia in greek means good death, euthanasia is ' the practice of ending a life in a manner which relieves pain and suffering. the precise medical definition of euthanasia is a deliberate intervention undertaken with express intention of ending life, to relieve intractable suffering.

Euthanasia is given on patient that with no future recovering or living in a life-support machine. people that in a condition with no hope at all. most of the times the doctor just unplug the life-support machine, and less than few second, the patient is pronounced death.

most family of the patient, dont wanna to unplug the life-support machine, because they thought maybe some miracle will happen, and their loved ones will wake up one day and everything will be the same again. in most cases they try to hold on to hope. but maybe they are holding it too long and they dont know when to let go.

in our life, there're many times that we are still holding on to something that already gone. we try and try to believe, to tell our selves over and over again that it will going to be better, but the reality spoke louder.

sometimes our dreams, our desire, our hope, is in a life-support machine, we cant fix thing that is already gone, we cant force things to happen when it was never meant to be. sometimes we just have to let it go, and unplug it.

............

these couple weeks was tiring. got problems at home, job, so on. my high temper was not in a good mood with every one, my low sugar diet was keeping me tired and i was mad most of the times. the thing that consoled me was, im back writing again in political bloggers community, at least i have been transferring my energy to some thing useful. writing is my only consolation, is the only thing where i can leave all my problems and maybe find a little peace of mind. i need to rest my mind.

i know i cant fix everything, and i cant change everything especially when it comes to people, but i learn that i can changed me. learning to love my self more, to value my self more, i may not be right all the time, not every thing that i think is right is right,i should have listen more.

one thing i know for sure, that His grace is sufficient. in the midst of adversity, i called. and He came to my rescue. Thank you Lord. Your love never failed me. when i was not unworthy of You, You loved me as i am.

Bittersweet - Sara Bareilles

Bittersweet seasons. Mistake a warm winter for spring.
Seems like I’m best at leaving when leaving is not the best thing.

You couldn’t help it if you needed more than I could give
That’s just the way it goes now.


I call you misplaced but never a waste of my time
Everybody’s gonna make mistakes
But you’ll never be one of mine


You couldn’t help it if you needed more than I could give
That’s just the way it goes now.
I knew you felt me leaving long before I ever did
That’s just the way it goes now.

Loved me fearless when you needed to
You would not rest till you came through
So God bless and thank you.

There is no anger is just you and I and the truth
You can try to make her but love will not be forced to bloom


You couldn’t help it if you needed more than I could give
That’s just the way it goes now

The only love worth fighting for is one that you can win and
That’s just the way it goes now.

You would not break but you could bend
And for love’s sake you let love end
But I still swear that you were God sent


And you stood before me knowing that the wings i have you gave
And that’s just the way it goes now
And I barely have the breath to breathe much less to fly away

And a silence entered the room for a one last
I’m gonna love you.
So God bless and thank you.

PS : since that day never once i listened to "This is Love", even to playing on my head still makes me cry sometimes, and i still do. i found this song weeks ago, and i understand many things.

Quotes From Sex and City

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”


“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”


(My personal life-long quote): “Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

New Fascism

in our modern time still we could find some justified wars, etnic cleansings, genocides,injustice treatment of minority groups,discrimination in all forms, anti-semit ideology spread like virus all over the world,and the world have their new enemy that threathen all humanity and the existence of modern civilization called "radical terrorist group". this radical group have brought many atrocities around the world by their suicidal bombings that massacre thousand and millions of innocent lives.

this new fascism ideology, is more dangerous than fascism of hitler because it put its foundation on religious based.

Ideological Prejudice Spreads Hate

November 13, 2007

"the message is the principle on how we view others not by prejudice
perception (bcs prejudice and self-justification lead to hatred).

anyway, many ppl claimed to be self-rigtheous, claimed to be a kind person,
they portraited them selves as very religious person, but i think we can see the
real person by their attitude towards others, how their treat others with
respect not by ridiculed them. i have more respect for an atheist who treat
others with respect and compassion than a religious hypocrite.

despite all religions in the world, whatever religions they might be. the best
thing is attitude.

without an attitude whatever religion we claimed to be good or the best, ppl
re simply gonna laugh and think we re making fun of our self, and more
importantly we re degrading our precious religion."

Humanity

November 2007

"the universal values is not in one's religion, but in equality, humanity
and freedom.

in my personal opinion, the best religion dont exist. it's delusional. the
true religion/belief i dont have a clue what it is, even an atheist
claimed what they believe is the truth. anyway, u dont have to agree with
me though, everyone has their own opinion n beliefs. it's their right.
their personal faith re their basic right . who am i to claim that
hindhuism re the true religion, or atheist re the best belief system? so
why bother?

but now humanity has new enemy it's called- ideology of hatred. hitler had
tried once to genocide one race n to conquered europe, but he was
defeated. and died in shame. so this "ism" will also ended sooner or later."

Decline of pluralism a cause of concern?

MArch 4, 2009



"Fundies ideology re spreading like a virus,corrupting n infecting human
intelligence n humanity amongs indonesian,still many stay ignorance,the
wahabbist re popular nowdays,n the moderate re still silence"

Dont Want to Debate Fundies

March 5, 2009

"A civilize n intellectual debate can't be found if the other party is
deep-rooted fundies,u can't reason nor have a proper debate with them,fundies
just likes zombies they don't have capability of reasoning n when we challenge
their logic n try to expose them,they re vulnerable n their words became
violence. It's so typical n common of them bcs the truth is they just don't ve
any logical n intellectual answer to back up their argument, so that's why is so
ridiculous n waste of time. My advice is have pity on them n if any chance u
accidentally read their posting,just laugh at it,humour ur selves with
backwardness n stupidity, honestly it's quite funny most of the time. .;)"

Braindead

Oct 27, 2008.

"it's a horrific fact how far ppl could go in the name of certain belief. even its belief system is out of logic,causing the mind incapable to function intellectually, so out of touch with universal humanity, lost the capability of compassion, tolerance and to reason with its self, in another word 'inhumane'.

it's useless to have a logical discussion if logic,and reason are not the basic."

Stupid Wars are Cool?

Augst 14, 2006.

fight for corruption, poverty and backwardness re not a popular things nowdays....
u have to follow the trend thesedays..., the trend is to create, join and volunteer for wars...

wars re everywhere...ppl re hungry and starve not for food anymore but for blood and the flesh of their own brothers...

our love for wars and hate for others are growing much stronger by reading and watching to the media..., then we shut off all the possibilities of peace...

most ppl think that corruption, poverty and backwardness re too little, too cheap and so not popular or not so "cool" to fight for....

Ad Hominem

November 27, 2007



"when ppl re not agree with ur own opinion , rather than debate and refute their argument by facts, logic n reason. some ppl choose to use ad hominem argument and ad hominem abusive in discussion.

agree to disagree is a common thing in liberal and secular society, but in fundamentalistic concept of thinking, there's no such thing. the only thing that exist in fundamentalistic concept of mind is an absolute and superior concept. there's no such thing as logical, reasoning and moreover a dialogue.

so when questions n critics occurs in discussion , rather than provide with a logical explaination they will feel personally insulted and feel ridiculed. bcs their roots is shame based. and when they feel ashamed they will get violence. sometimes with words , and sometimes with real actions.

when they feels insulted they will get violence in this case with words.

logic, reason and rational knowledge dont exist in the fundamentalistic belief system. the more u challenge them with logic and rational knowledge the more they feel insulted n inferior. and thats when the violence begins.

"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Found on Real Headstones

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car
was on the way down.
It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went

Last add, from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No More

The Quality of Heart

we all have our moments of weaknesses, we all have our personal traumatic experiences as the result of our past, we all have our fears and doubts, we all have negative thoughts once in a while, we all have things that we are struggling to overcome, we all could sometimes lost in the cosmic of confusion. it's all part of being human.
But sometimes in our daily life, we are simply forgetting that we all are human and people are also human, but sadly sometimes we just too quick to judge on people, to make our conclusion on them based on our fears, we are too easy to forgives our own mistakes and too hard to forgive others. sometimes we set the standard too high on people to meet with our expectation but too mediocre on our selves. we want people to love us with all their might and understand us beyond reasons, but honestly, do we ever ask our selves, are we capable to the same things as we ask others to do to us? sometimes we are too occupied with our pains and focus on our own misery that we dont even realize that we also hurt others by our own actions and words. I just remember some words that i got years ago " Hurting people hurt other people".

But life is a decision so does love. it's not an emotion but a decision. it is not something that whenever you feeling good it's love and when it doesnt so it's not love anymore. to love someone for real has never been easy, in the contrary the moment of fall in love is always the easiest, because everything is so beautiful, we feels on the top of the world, we are constantly exciting and feels good all the time, we feels intimately close and as nothing will ever separate us.

but the real test, is when we begin to see the flaws, caught up with moment of weaknesses, mistakes after mistakes that repeteadly made, when both were not listen to their heart anymore but keep on listen to the hurtful feelings, and pride came in and took over.

to love and to understand people is a process. relationship is a process, it's not a smooth ride, and along the way somehow you want to give up but love is a decision. the decision that sometimes has not been made in easy situation or condition, it's a decision every single day to love instead of.

puppies love or teenagers's love shall run away or grew tired easily, it cant stand the process of relationship, because it based only on child emotions and romantic feelings.

but real love or mature love, in the greatest storm and the darkest hours..it wont waive nor shaken. mature love choose to believe the best in a person, not the other way around. sometimes we just easily quit on people, without realizing maybe in the past they also had many chances to quit on us but they didnt, because they believe in us. they chose to endure their pains for our sake. because they knew if they quit rite away they would let us down.

mature love endures, but puppies love walks out.

we never knew the quality of people's heart until it had been tested by their most difficult circumstances. the responds of the heart shall reveals the true self. it's not what happens to people that determine who they really are, but it's what they will do about it.

sometimes we thought we knew someone quite well, but infact we actually dont.
some people claimed that they once really love someone, but in the end it's their perseverance, and commitment to them selves and others, that really reveals the quality of their heart.

I've Learned

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you should always leave loves ones with loving words
it may be the last time you'll see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done.
Regardless the consequences.

I've learned that there are people, who love you clearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continuous to grow even ever the longest distance
Some goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want him to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend,
they are going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue
It doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
A head of their actions.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
And see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours,
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when yo think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, You will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking.
Can lace emotional pans

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between
being nice.
And not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I've learned........

A Bright New Day

the final chapter of 2009 has closed, despite all the things that happened thru the year, humbly end it with a brave heart and gracefulness.

the most thing i had learned from the year of 2009, that i learned more about my selves. i have learned that love despite all its pains and sorrows, is still beautiful and love make you grow emotionally, intellectually, it's brings out the best and the worst part of you which you have never known before. it's make you seek deeper and digg deepeer into your inner being, n reveals the secret of your true self. it's tested your perseverance, your strength, and the quality of your heart.
it's challenged your wit, your intelligence, n sometimes it's wounded your pride but it teached you about humility and forgiveness.

im still learning, still stumble and fall sometimes, still got mad bcs of hurt, still got mad bcs of being disappointed, sometimes mistreated, ignored, but in the end of the day i chose to forgive.

i dont expect anything back. i just forgives. but if you did it again tomorrow, then after day of tomorrow. i still forgive you anyway. not because im so -called crazy in love, but because i need to forgive you for my selves, and you need that to know that there's someone that is really care about you no matter what you are and what you have done.

in the beginning of the new day of this new year, i hope for wisdom, strength, and a brave heart, also i hope for a teachable and humble heart. and wish life treats me kind.

A bright New DAy