we all have our moments of weaknesses, we all have our personal traumatic experiences as the result of our past, we all have our fears and doubts, we all have negative thoughts once in a while, we all have things that we are struggling to overcome, we all could sometimes lost in the cosmic of confusion. it's all part of being human.
But sometimes in our daily life, we are simply forgetting that we all are human and people are also human, but sadly sometimes we just too quick to judge on people, to make our conclusion on them based on our fears, we are too easy to forgives our own mistakes and too hard to forgive others. sometimes we set the standard too high on people to meet with our expectation but too mediocre on our selves. we want people to love us with all their might and understand us beyond reasons, but honestly, do we ever ask our selves, are we capable to the same things as we ask others to do to us? sometimes we are too occupied with our pains and focus on our own misery that we dont even realize that we also hurt others by our own actions and words. I just remember some words that i got years ago " Hurting people hurt other people".
But life is a decision so does love. it's not an emotion but a decision. it is not something that whenever you feeling good it's love and when it doesnt so it's not love anymore. to love someone for real has never been easy, in the contrary the moment of fall in love is always the easiest, because everything is so beautiful, we feels on the top of the world, we are constantly exciting and feels good all the time, we feels intimately close and as nothing will ever separate us.
but the real test, is when we begin to see the flaws, caught up with moment of weaknesses, mistakes after mistakes that repeteadly made, when both were not listen to their heart anymore but keep on listen to the hurtful feelings, and pride came in and took over.
to love and to understand people is a process. relationship is a process, it's not a smooth ride, and along the way somehow you want to give up but love is a decision. the decision that sometimes has not been made in easy situation or condition, it's a decision every single day to love instead of.
puppies love or teenagers's love shall run away or grew tired easily, it cant stand the process of relationship, because it based only on child emotions and romantic feelings.
but real love or mature love, in the greatest storm and the darkest hours..it wont waive nor shaken. mature love choose to believe the best in a person, not the other way around. sometimes we just easily quit on people, without realizing maybe in the past they also had many chances to quit on us but they didnt, because they believe in us. they chose to endure their pains for our sake. because they knew if they quit rite away they would let us down.
mature love endures, but puppies love walks out.
we never knew the quality of people's heart until it had been tested by their most difficult circumstances. the responds of the heart shall reveals the true self. it's not what happens to people that determine who they really are, but it's what they will do about it.
sometimes we thought we knew someone quite well, but infact we actually dont.
some people claimed that they once really love someone, but in the end it's their perseverance, and commitment to them selves and others, that really reveals the quality of their heart.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I've Learned
I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it.
I've learned that you should always leave loves ones with loving words
it may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done.
Regardless the consequences.
I've learned that there are people, who love you clearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continuous to grow even ever the longest distance
Some goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want him to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend,
they are going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue
It doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
A head of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
And see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours,
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when yo think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, You will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking.
Can lace emotional pans
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between
being nice.
And not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I've learned........
some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it.
I've learned that you should always leave loves ones with loving words
it may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done.
Regardless the consequences.
I've learned that there are people, who love you clearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continuous to grow even ever the longest distance
Some goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want him to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend,
they are going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue
It doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
A head of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
And see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours,
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when yo think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, You will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking.
Can lace emotional pans
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between
being nice.
And not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I've learned........
Friday, January 1, 2010
A Bright New Day
the final chapter of 2009 has closed, despite all the things that happened thru the year, humbly end it with a brave heart and gracefulness.
the most thing i had learned from the year of 2009, that i learned more about my selves. i have learned that love despite all its pains and sorrows, is still beautiful and love make you grow emotionally, intellectually, it's brings out the best and the worst part of you which you have never known before. it's make you seek deeper and digg deepeer into your inner being, n reveals the secret of your true self. it's tested your perseverance, your strength, and the quality of your heart.
it's challenged your wit, your intelligence, n sometimes it's wounded your pride but it teached you about humility and forgiveness.
im still learning, still stumble and fall sometimes, still got mad bcs of hurt, still got mad bcs of being disappointed, sometimes mistreated, ignored, but in the end of the day i chose to forgive.
i dont expect anything back. i just forgives. but if you did it again tomorrow, then after day of tomorrow. i still forgive you anyway. not because im so -called crazy in love, but because i need to forgive you for my selves, and you need that to know that there's someone that is really care about you no matter what you are and what you have done.
in the beginning of the new day of this new year, i hope for wisdom, strength, and a brave heart, also i hope for a teachable and humble heart. and wish life treats me kind.
A bright New DAy
the most thing i had learned from the year of 2009, that i learned more about my selves. i have learned that love despite all its pains and sorrows, is still beautiful and love make you grow emotionally, intellectually, it's brings out the best and the worst part of you which you have never known before. it's make you seek deeper and digg deepeer into your inner being, n reveals the secret of your true self. it's tested your perseverance, your strength, and the quality of your heart.
it's challenged your wit, your intelligence, n sometimes it's wounded your pride but it teached you about humility and forgiveness.
im still learning, still stumble and fall sometimes, still got mad bcs of hurt, still got mad bcs of being disappointed, sometimes mistreated, ignored, but in the end of the day i chose to forgive.
i dont expect anything back. i just forgives. but if you did it again tomorrow, then after day of tomorrow. i still forgive you anyway. not because im so -called crazy in love, but because i need to forgive you for my selves, and you need that to know that there's someone that is really care about you no matter what you are and what you have done.
in the beginning of the new day of this new year, i hope for wisdom, strength, and a brave heart, also i hope for a teachable and humble heart. and wish life treats me kind.
A bright New DAy
Saturday, December 26, 2009
I Am Me
I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt,laughs and cries.
I am Me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it.
I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.
If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.
I am me, and I am Okay.
I am Me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it.
I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.
If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.
I am me, and I am Okay.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Love Is Not Enough
We think that the hardest thing in a relationship is finding the right person. After that, we fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Those in a relationship know all too well that fairy tales are only true in the movies. The truth of the matter is that having and maintaining a relationship is not easy.
Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other.
Few things that we have to realize that.
TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS
a mature individual is defind as a person who has a sense of self. He/she is able to recognize that both members in the relationship are different. They are able to see that each has a different heritage, a different way of thinking, feeling and possibly different beliefs.
The mature person is able to recognize the I, Me and the Us in the relationship. With all the differences in personalities, thoughts and feelings, it’s a wonder that we got together in the first place.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to a relationship. Good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car. Without oil in the car, internal parts will burn up and the car will be ready for the scrap pile. Communication is important!
There are no mind readers. For a relationship to grow and prosper, likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, dreams and problems need to be said. If a couple’s communication is restricted, the relationship is destined for major problems down the road.
ABILITY TO COMPROMISE
The ability to compromise refers to an individual’s willingness and proficiency at finding the middle ground. Being able to compromise is a sign of maturity. It is also needed in any relationship. If one person always gets his/her way, the other person is bound to feel dominated, and resentful. These negative feelings can rip the heart right out of any relationship. Finding the happy middle can provide the best of both worlds… giving and receiving. Sharing the last dish of ice cream with a friend is always better than eating it all alone, isn’t it?
SUPPORT AND TRUST
One of the benefits of a relationship is that we will have someone in our corner to support us and to affirm our existence. This support adds to the trust that is needed in any relationship. Without mutual support, a trusting relationship will not develop. Each member must have its emotional needs met in order to continue to invest in the relationship. The continued support and the being there for the other person emotionally is the way in which trust is developed. If a trusting relationship is cultivated and maintained, the ability to try new adventures and take new risks are enhanced.
LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING
The open expression of feeling in any relationship is vital to the continued growth of the relationship. Lovemaking should not be overlooked in a relationship, but it need not be the only ingredient that exists in a relationship either. Lovemaking is the icing on the cake and it gets there by mixing all of the above mentioned ingredients.
Good lovemaking starts outside of the bedroom. If you want to increase the frequency and intensity of your lovemaking, try to increase the frequency and intensity of your communication, willingness to work as a team, sharing of self, being kind and supportive, give space and freedom to explore individual interests. All of these ingredients will add to the makings of a fine, wonderfully iced cake.
Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other.
Few things that we have to realize that.
TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS
a mature individual is defind as a person who has a sense of self. He/she is able to recognize that both members in the relationship are different. They are able to see that each has a different heritage, a different way of thinking, feeling and possibly different beliefs.
The mature person is able to recognize the I, Me and the Us in the relationship. With all the differences in personalities, thoughts and feelings, it’s a wonder that we got together in the first place.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to a relationship. Good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car. Without oil in the car, internal parts will burn up and the car will be ready for the scrap pile. Communication is important!
There are no mind readers. For a relationship to grow and prosper, likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, dreams and problems need to be said. If a couple’s communication is restricted, the relationship is destined for major problems down the road.
ABILITY TO COMPROMISE
The ability to compromise refers to an individual’s willingness and proficiency at finding the middle ground. Being able to compromise is a sign of maturity. It is also needed in any relationship. If one person always gets his/her way, the other person is bound to feel dominated, and resentful. These negative feelings can rip the heart right out of any relationship. Finding the happy middle can provide the best of both worlds… giving and receiving. Sharing the last dish of ice cream with a friend is always better than eating it all alone, isn’t it?
SUPPORT AND TRUST
One of the benefits of a relationship is that we will have someone in our corner to support us and to affirm our existence. This support adds to the trust that is needed in any relationship. Without mutual support, a trusting relationship will not develop. Each member must have its emotional needs met in order to continue to invest in the relationship. The continued support and the being there for the other person emotionally is the way in which trust is developed. If a trusting relationship is cultivated and maintained, the ability to try new adventures and take new risks are enhanced.
LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING
The open expression of feeling in any relationship is vital to the continued growth of the relationship. Lovemaking should not be overlooked in a relationship, but it need not be the only ingredient that exists in a relationship either. Lovemaking is the icing on the cake and it gets there by mixing all of the above mentioned ingredients.
Good lovemaking starts outside of the bedroom. If you want to increase the frequency and intensity of your lovemaking, try to increase the frequency and intensity of your communication, willingness to work as a team, sharing of self, being kind and supportive, give space and freedom to explore individual interests. All of these ingredients will add to the makings of a fine, wonderfully iced cake.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Take Courage
Human relationship are complex and complicated.it takes more than love. it takes courage.
some people never realize that they brought their past relationships in their current, they unconsciously brought their emotional baggages of pains, wounds,disappointments from their previous relationships, all things that i called " garbage" that should be thrown away and left behind.
sometimes people didnt aware that they have been carrying those emotional baggages into their current relationship, those things will cause fears and doubts, all negative in nature.
when we then go onto the next relationship, these same fears and negative emotions trigger negative or irrational thoughts and behaviors within us. These behaviors then have a negative impact on the new relationship. Instead of protecting you from having the original hurtful experience repeat itself, these behaviors can actually cause that experience to recur time and time again. The fears and hurt feelings only then grow and now become justified within your own mind as correct. This creates a cycle that you then feel unable to escape from in your romantic life.
And while we all carry some emotional baggage, it turns out that some of us carry quite a bit more of it than others. More to the point, some of us allow our most troublesome relationships from our pasts to affect-and in some cases do severe damage to-our current relationships.
Just because certain ex-partners may have mistreated you in the past, don't make the sweeping assumption that every single person you date from this point forward will treat you shabbily as well. Each new person you meet has the right to be evaluated based on his/her own unique merits and flaws, (as opposed to being evaluated based on your past relationship experiences). You certainly don't want to miss out on getting to know a potential "Mr/Mrs Perfect-For-You" because you are too busy unfairly projecting your past negative relationship experiences onto him/her.
always bear in mind that you actually have an enormous say in the creation of your own "Relationship destiny." And if you put your mind to it, you truly can break free from past destructive dating patterns.
And while it can be incredibly hard to open your heart and make yourself vulnerable to a new partner (especially if you have been hurt repeatedly in the past), please remember that life sometimes requires us to take a leap of faith so that we can continue to grow emotionally.
As much as I would love to say that the best relationships in life are the "easy" ones, unfortunately that isn't the case.
The more difficult they are, the more worthwhile they ultimately turn out to be in the long run. The more we are able to learn from these relationships as we bring meaningful resolve to our own baggage, the more we are able to become emotionally stronger and healthier for the right partners for us.
it takes courage to move on from emotional baggage from the past, it takes courage to put your faith in your new relationship, it takes courage to open your heart completely to your partner,it takes courage to hope for new, beautiful, amazing, long term relationship with your current partner.
because if you dont have courage to left all your emotional baggages behind, it will destroy any chance of happiness in your current relationship. and you wont want that to happen, aren't you?
some people never realize that they brought their past relationships in their current, they unconsciously brought their emotional baggages of pains, wounds,disappointments from their previous relationships, all things that i called " garbage" that should be thrown away and left behind.
sometimes people didnt aware that they have been carrying those emotional baggages into their current relationship, those things will cause fears and doubts, all negative in nature.
when we then go onto the next relationship, these same fears and negative emotions trigger negative or irrational thoughts and behaviors within us. These behaviors then have a negative impact on the new relationship. Instead of protecting you from having the original hurtful experience repeat itself, these behaviors can actually cause that experience to recur time and time again. The fears and hurt feelings only then grow and now become justified within your own mind as correct. This creates a cycle that you then feel unable to escape from in your romantic life.
And while we all carry some emotional baggage, it turns out that some of us carry quite a bit more of it than others. More to the point, some of us allow our most troublesome relationships from our pasts to affect-and in some cases do severe damage to-our current relationships.
Just because certain ex-partners may have mistreated you in the past, don't make the sweeping assumption that every single person you date from this point forward will treat you shabbily as well. Each new person you meet has the right to be evaluated based on his/her own unique merits and flaws, (as opposed to being evaluated based on your past relationship experiences). You certainly don't want to miss out on getting to know a potential "Mr/Mrs Perfect-For-You" because you are too busy unfairly projecting your past negative relationship experiences onto him/her.
always bear in mind that you actually have an enormous say in the creation of your own "Relationship destiny." And if you put your mind to it, you truly can break free from past destructive dating patterns.
And while it can be incredibly hard to open your heart and make yourself vulnerable to a new partner (especially if you have been hurt repeatedly in the past), please remember that life sometimes requires us to take a leap of faith so that we can continue to grow emotionally.
As much as I would love to say that the best relationships in life are the "easy" ones, unfortunately that isn't the case.
The more difficult they are, the more worthwhile they ultimately turn out to be in the long run. The more we are able to learn from these relationships as we bring meaningful resolve to our own baggage, the more we are able to become emotionally stronger and healthier for the right partners for us.
it takes courage to move on from emotional baggage from the past, it takes courage to put your faith in your new relationship, it takes courage to open your heart completely to your partner,it takes courage to hope for new, beautiful, amazing, long term relationship with your current partner.
because if you dont have courage to left all your emotional baggages behind, it will destroy any chance of happiness in your current relationship. and you wont want that to happen, aren't you?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
God, You Are Strong Enough
As i rest against this cold hard wall
will you pass me by?
will you critize me as i sit and cry?
I had fought so hard
and thought that all my battles had been won
only to find the war had just begun
is He not strong enough?
is He not pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?
will my weakness for an hour
make me suffer for a lifetime
is there any way to be made whole again?
if im healed,renewed,and find forgiveness
find the strength i never had
will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
is He not strong enough?
is He not pure pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?
He took my life into His hands
and turned it all around
in my most desperate circumstance
it's there i finally found
that You are strong enough
that You are pure enough
to break me, pour me out and start again
that You are brave enough
to take one chance on me
thank you for my chance to start again.
will you pass me by?
will you critize me as i sit and cry?
I had fought so hard
and thought that all my battles had been won
only to find the war had just begun
is He not strong enough?
is He not pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?
will my weakness for an hour
make me suffer for a lifetime
is there any way to be made whole again?
if im healed,renewed,and find forgiveness
find the strength i never had
will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
is He not strong enough?
is He not pure pure enough?
to break me, pour me out and start again?
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance on me
please can i have one chance to start again?
He took my life into His hands
and turned it all around
in my most desperate circumstance
it's there i finally found
that You are strong enough
that You are pure enough
to break me, pour me out and start again
that You are brave enough
to take one chance on me
thank you for my chance to start again.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
i had a friend, i called her Nana, we were in the same office years ago, she was one of my cool friend, like to hang out with her after office.there was the three of us, me, susi and nana. we were a very good friends back then.
Physically nana is gorgeous, some people said she looked like sandra dewi,she graduate from state, living abroad for a while,her family is wealthy and well-known, she never suffered poverty or even ride a public transportation in her whole life. she has everything that women ever want. i mean she got eveything. looks, money, abroad- education. and her personality is nearly flawless, everybody like her as a friend, she is humble, kind,helpful,funny, and easy going.
There's only one flaw. her weakness in men.
being one of her good friend back then, she sometimes told me and poured out her desire to be loved and have someone that really love her. in her past life she was the one that had been cheated, lied, and played, and left by all her ex-boy friends.
it's surprised me because i didnt see anything wrong with her.
one day , she told me she was having a relationship without status with a married guy, and she was devastated. this on and off going relationship had been going for years, but never once she want to let go. even she's hurting so much.
i told her to let him go, i told her she just wasting her time, and she's not younger anymore, she's already in her 30's, and this kinda relationship will destroy her.
after a long thought, she finally decided to let go, and in the same time, she met this guy from office, actually i was the one that hook her up with him, and i know that this guy like her and they went on dating, she really like him, and they just looked good together. but later i found out that, this guy didnt want to commit with her, and when i asked her how she would do about it, she just said she love him and she's fine with that. they had been going out for a year or so, and when my friend asked him about commitment, he just said he's not ready. but as far as i know they were close, i meant "close'.
when i knew about it, i was angry with her, it didnt make sense at all how she accept to be treated like that. then i remember one of her story about one of her ex, that treated her so bad by hitting her constantly, but she never want to break up with him because she said she love him, then out of the blue the guy dumped her and married to someone else. she got very shocked have a nervous breakdown, she took a year off from working, her family flew her to eroupe for therapy.
she cried when she told that story, she said to me she didnt figure out why the same bad things about men keeps happening to her. i just listened to her story and i saw her pains was so great, even my logic still cant comprehend, i empathized.
couple of months after that i was moved to another office, and i was busy with my new job, but still she called me and sometimes we hang out together, and she never mentioned the previous guy anymore, i think she already move on. she looked happy.
until one day, me and susi, went to her apartment, and i saw a picture of a guy in her drawer, i recognized the guy in the picture, he was a help-desk IT boy from my previous office,actually he's quite young, 8 years younger than her. then she told me and susi, that she's been seeing this guy for months, and she is fall in love with him. i told her that, i thought this guy has a gf already, and susi said to her that all people in the office knew that this guy has a gf and even planned to getting married. and my friend nana, said she knows, and she told us that this guy told her that he want to break up with her gf.gosh....
once again, she told us, that the relationship is deep and "close", as me and susi saw, is "too close". but she seemed didnt care. she seemed irrational and out of touch.
a week after that, she called crying, i asked her what's happened, she told me that she found out that this guy still in relationship with his gf, and every saturday he will spend time with her. and it's crushed her. i asked he to let him go and forget about him. she refused to let go because she said the relationship has went too far already.
everyday she will called me crying heavily, she said she hated him because he always comes back to his gf,but after a day or so she will called me that she already fogive him, and she's happy again because he said he loved her so much and will broke up with her gf.
but that just empty words, he never actually broke up with his gf.
until one day, nana called me, and she said she want to do suicide because she doesnt want to live anymore. then me and susi rushed to her apartment, she told us, that the guy told her that in two months he will get marry to his gf, they already set the date, and my friend collapsed. she never stop crying, i saw her in great pains, wounded so badly, her body shaking all the time, she cant sleep nor eat, there's the first time i saw someone really suffered heavily from love. the scene was so unbearable, and for someone that never cried easily and i never cried for so long, in that moment i cried for her. my heart went with her.
but what astonished me even in great pains and badly wounded, she told us that she loved him and dont want let him go. she kept on believing that the guy loved her. i didnt i understand her at all, how come someone that treated you like shit, and dont respect you, constantly lying, and degrading your dignity, your worth, and dont giva damn of your feeling, still you believe that this person loved you? it's absurd.
but she was stubborn as mule, she even mad at me and susi when we try to reason with her. then i said to her, that her biggest mistake was she thought that when she loved a person, she has to accept anything, even when the person mistreated her, degrading her, dont respect her feeling, it's emotional abuse. i told her, if he disrespect you, treated you like shit, thats means he doesnt love you. and your biggest mistake is, you let him do that to you. you are the one that responsible for all this things happened, because he can not harm you if you dont let him to.
you let him do those awful things to you, because you thought that if you just accept it, he will know that you love him, but thats not the case,and you ended up miserable and you are the one that got wounded.it's your call not him.
i know that love hurts sometimes, but not this kinda hurt. because it's not only your heart that got hurt, but also your self-worth, your dignity, your inner being that got hit, and love will never destroy a person being like this, love can break the heart but not the self.
but sadly, she wont listen to us, she told us that she loved him and she believe that he loved her. she got mad at us for trying to help her, actually me and susi cared for her, after all we are friends.
that was three years ago. after that me and susi never heard from her again, she shut her self off from our friendship. maybe she hated us because we told her the truth, the truth that she doesnt want to hear. the last time i heard about her was from my friends, that said that she still seeing this guy even he already married.
still living in the same self made hell-hole, gosh,,i pitied her.
last night i dont why, i think about her. things that she's been thru, and things that i said to her.
somehow i laugh, it's ironically funny. it's not her that i was laugh at. it's me.
i wish i had recorded in voice recorder, things that i said to her.
whereever she is now, i hope life treat her kind, pray that oneday she finally meet the one that love her trully, someone that love her with respect, and honor her heart. wish that the next time she gives her heart away, she will make sure the person is worthed. because she deserve much much better.
Physically nana is gorgeous, some people said she looked like sandra dewi,she graduate from state, living abroad for a while,her family is wealthy and well-known, she never suffered poverty or even ride a public transportation in her whole life. she has everything that women ever want. i mean she got eveything. looks, money, abroad- education. and her personality is nearly flawless, everybody like her as a friend, she is humble, kind,helpful,funny, and easy going.
There's only one flaw. her weakness in men.
being one of her good friend back then, she sometimes told me and poured out her desire to be loved and have someone that really love her. in her past life she was the one that had been cheated, lied, and played, and left by all her ex-boy friends.
it's surprised me because i didnt see anything wrong with her.
one day , she told me she was having a relationship without status with a married guy, and she was devastated. this on and off going relationship had been going for years, but never once she want to let go. even she's hurting so much.
i told her to let him go, i told her she just wasting her time, and she's not younger anymore, she's already in her 30's, and this kinda relationship will destroy her.
after a long thought, she finally decided to let go, and in the same time, she met this guy from office, actually i was the one that hook her up with him, and i know that this guy like her and they went on dating, she really like him, and they just looked good together. but later i found out that, this guy didnt want to commit with her, and when i asked her how she would do about it, she just said she love him and she's fine with that. they had been going out for a year or so, and when my friend asked him about commitment, he just said he's not ready. but as far as i know they were close, i meant "close'.
when i knew about it, i was angry with her, it didnt make sense at all how she accept to be treated like that. then i remember one of her story about one of her ex, that treated her so bad by hitting her constantly, but she never want to break up with him because she said she love him, then out of the blue the guy dumped her and married to someone else. she got very shocked have a nervous breakdown, she took a year off from working, her family flew her to eroupe for therapy.
she cried when she told that story, she said to me she didnt figure out why the same bad things about men keeps happening to her. i just listened to her story and i saw her pains was so great, even my logic still cant comprehend, i empathized.
couple of months after that i was moved to another office, and i was busy with my new job, but still she called me and sometimes we hang out together, and she never mentioned the previous guy anymore, i think she already move on. she looked happy.
until one day, me and susi, went to her apartment, and i saw a picture of a guy in her drawer, i recognized the guy in the picture, he was a help-desk IT boy from my previous office,actually he's quite young, 8 years younger than her. then she told me and susi, that she's been seeing this guy for months, and she is fall in love with him. i told her that, i thought this guy has a gf already, and susi said to her that all people in the office knew that this guy has a gf and even planned to getting married. and my friend nana, said she knows, and she told us that this guy told her that he want to break up with her gf.gosh....
once again, she told us, that the relationship is deep and "close", as me and susi saw, is "too close". but she seemed didnt care. she seemed irrational and out of touch.
a week after that, she called crying, i asked her what's happened, she told me that she found out that this guy still in relationship with his gf, and every saturday he will spend time with her. and it's crushed her. i asked he to let him go and forget about him. she refused to let go because she said the relationship has went too far already.
everyday she will called me crying heavily, she said she hated him because he always comes back to his gf,but after a day or so she will called me that she already fogive him, and she's happy again because he said he loved her so much and will broke up with her gf.
but that just empty words, he never actually broke up with his gf.
until one day, nana called me, and she said she want to do suicide because she doesnt want to live anymore. then me and susi rushed to her apartment, she told us, that the guy told her that in two months he will get marry to his gf, they already set the date, and my friend collapsed. she never stop crying, i saw her in great pains, wounded so badly, her body shaking all the time, she cant sleep nor eat, there's the first time i saw someone really suffered heavily from love. the scene was so unbearable, and for someone that never cried easily and i never cried for so long, in that moment i cried for her. my heart went with her.
but what astonished me even in great pains and badly wounded, she told us that she loved him and dont want let him go. she kept on believing that the guy loved her. i didnt i understand her at all, how come someone that treated you like shit, and dont respect you, constantly lying, and degrading your dignity, your worth, and dont giva damn of your feeling, still you believe that this person loved you? it's absurd.
but she was stubborn as mule, she even mad at me and susi when we try to reason with her. then i said to her, that her biggest mistake was she thought that when she loved a person, she has to accept anything, even when the person mistreated her, degrading her, dont respect her feeling, it's emotional abuse. i told her, if he disrespect you, treated you like shit, thats means he doesnt love you. and your biggest mistake is, you let him do that to you. you are the one that responsible for all this things happened, because he can not harm you if you dont let him to.
you let him do those awful things to you, because you thought that if you just accept it, he will know that you love him, but thats not the case,and you ended up miserable and you are the one that got wounded.it's your call not him.
i know that love hurts sometimes, but not this kinda hurt. because it's not only your heart that got hurt, but also your self-worth, your dignity, your inner being that got hit, and love will never destroy a person being like this, love can break the heart but not the self.
but sadly, she wont listen to us, she told us that she loved him and she believe that he loved her. she got mad at us for trying to help her, actually me and susi cared for her, after all we are friends.
that was three years ago. after that me and susi never heard from her again, she shut her self off from our friendship. maybe she hated us because we told her the truth, the truth that she doesnt want to hear. the last time i heard about her was from my friends, that said that she still seeing this guy even he already married.
still living in the same self made hell-hole, gosh,,i pitied her.
last night i dont why, i think about her. things that she's been thru, and things that i said to her.
somehow i laugh, it's ironically funny. it's not her that i was laugh at. it's me.
i wish i had recorded in voice recorder, things that i said to her.
whereever she is now, i hope life treat her kind, pray that oneday she finally meet the one that love her trully, someone that love her with respect, and honor her heart. wish that the next time she gives her heart away, she will make sure the person is worthed. because she deserve much much better.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Single is Awesome....
ppl have been searching for the feeling of completion and real beauty of happiness...but found none..., we had tried everything from material things, career, n people, but all those things have made us lost in the cosmic of confusion, disappointments , emptiness and unbearable sorrows..
we did try our best to live..to kept our head high, to laugh about it or even tell jokes about it.., as long as we could breathe and lives...to stay a float..but the more we struggle the more it pulled us under..and we cant breathe anymore..it's too hard...
in this hectic world, ironically we lives as lonely human being...single ppl think they should be married to ease the loneliness inside and married ppl wondered why they still can feels lonely in their castle of marriage..
as single, we are so hard to judge and blame our selves for still being single.. we chose to be single bcs there is no one that is good enough for us and we definitely dont want to marry a mediocre person...we seek the best quality
we did try our best to live..to kept our head high, to laugh about it or even tell jokes about it.., as long as we could breathe and lives...to stay a float..but the more we struggle the more it pulled us under..and we cant breathe anymore..it's too hard...
in this hectic world, ironically we lives as lonely human being...single ppl think they should be married to ease the loneliness inside and married ppl wondered why they still can feels lonely in their castle of marriage..
as single, we are so hard to judge and blame our selves for still being single.. we chose to be single bcs there is no one that is good enough for us and we definitely dont want to marry a mediocre person...we seek the best quality
a perfection that only God can met our requirements..
single ppl feels pity on married ppl.., bcs they seems or pretends to be happy but they re bound legally and spiritually by the institution called marriage..which is limited their freedom and self actualization..
but still the single envy them bcs married women have those things that they dont have yet.." recognition from society"..our culture taught us that a perfect women is the one that married...., a cinderella syndrome that has been haunted women for generations.
single or married..we are facing the same problems of insecurity..in fact research told us that married women have higher insecurity than single women.., bcs single women have their own career, money, self-actualization, independence, freedom, and they can take a good care of them self...while married women re busy with domestic chores and sometimes domestic violence, single women re busy to have a good time of her life..
as single, we are spoiled by our freedom..., we underestimate the marriage life in the way of thinking than we can cope it easily...we re so dying to rush into marriage life, but we forgot to ask our selves a very important questions.." are we ready to sacrifice all ? " and "do we really want to get marry?"
being single is the greatest blessing and an awesome experience… just love and enjoy it…
single ppl feels pity on married ppl.., bcs they seems or pretends to be happy but they re bound legally and spiritually by the institution called marriage..which is limited their freedom and self actualization..
but still the single envy them bcs married women have those things that they dont have yet.." recognition from society"..our culture taught us that a perfect women is the one that married...., a cinderella syndrome that has been haunted women for generations.
single or married..we are facing the same problems of insecurity..in fact research told us that married women have higher insecurity than single women.., bcs single women have their own career, money, self-actualization, independence, freedom, and they can take a good care of them self...while married women re busy with domestic chores and sometimes domestic violence, single women re busy to have a good time of her life..
as single, we are spoiled by our freedom..., we underestimate the marriage life in the way of thinking than we can cope it easily...we re so dying to rush into marriage life, but we forgot to ask our selves a very important questions.." are we ready to sacrifice all ? " and "do we really want to get marry?"
being single is the greatest blessing and an awesome experience… just love and enjoy it…
single is time to learn about our selves, to give more to others and to focus on developing our selves...
just be productive, keep on growing, be happy n content..
bcs happiness is not a matter of having a men in ur life, but happiness comes by our decision to be happy every single day.
and contentment comes from within.
single or married..., make sure that u lives in grateful attitude..
being single... the best time in life...
Saturday, September 8, 2007
My Friend "SUSI"
Susi is my close friend from my previous company, two things that i'd notice when the first time i met her, she's so vibrate and open.., she love to laugh and make ppl laughs.
despite all pains caused from her previous love relationship, she never quit to hope..
her long tiring love for a guy called "Super Jerk" has darkened her days but not her spirit and hope, i had watched her struggle to let go, and she did. her past didnt stop her to believe for someone better. she even didnt hesitate and didnt stop for post trauma experience which makes ppl to avoid and shut off every potential relationships. one thing that i learned from her, she didnt waste time to grief.
Her passion for every opportunity to find her true love, her determination and bravery efforts have made me smiled, even astonished, mostly confused.:) but deep down inside i admired her courage.
however, we often have debates about that, in my logical skeptic mind i disagreed with her irrational thinking. (she called it "Hope", i saw it as "another potential disappointments").
That was last year.
today she's planning her wedding. Her hope has becoming reality. Finally she met her Prince. at the end of last year she met someone better, a men that love and adore her. Her true love. she's living a hope come true. so hope really works after all.
Her experience has radically changed me.
she said to me. ' whatever happens dont quit to hope".
in my own words, " Hope will find love, just dont stop hope"
despite all pains caused from her previous love relationship, she never quit to hope..
her long tiring love for a guy called "Super Jerk" has darkened her days but not her spirit and hope, i had watched her struggle to let go, and she did. her past didnt stop her to believe for someone better. she even didnt hesitate and didnt stop for post trauma experience which makes ppl to avoid and shut off every potential relationships. one thing that i learned from her, she didnt waste time to grief.
Her passion for every opportunity to find her true love, her determination and bravery efforts have made me smiled, even astonished, mostly confused.:) but deep down inside i admired her courage.
however, we often have debates about that, in my logical skeptic mind i disagreed with her irrational thinking. (she called it "Hope", i saw it as "another potential disappointments").
That was last year.
today she's planning her wedding. Her hope has becoming reality. Finally she met her Prince. at the end of last year she met someone better, a men that love and adore her. Her true love. she's living a hope come true. so hope really works after all.
Her experience has radically changed me.
she said to me. ' whatever happens dont quit to hope".
in my own words, " Hope will find love, just dont stop hope"
Friday, September 7, 2007
LIFE TOO SHORT TO BE LITTLE
Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things that we
should forget about at once. Perhaps someone we helped has
proven ungrateful, someone we believed to be a friend has
spoken ill of us, some regard we thought we deserved has
been denied to us.
We feel such disappointment so strongly that we can no longer
work, or even sleep.
We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances
that in a year's time will be forgotten by us and everybody
else. Let us devote our lives to worthwhile feelings and
actions, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring
actions for others. Life is too short to be litle.
should forget about at once. Perhaps someone we helped has
proven ungrateful, someone we believed to be a friend has
spoken ill of us, some regard we thought we deserved has
been denied to us.
We feel such disappointment so strongly that we can no longer
work, or even sleep.
We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances
that in a year's time will be forgotten by us and everybody
else. Let us devote our lives to worthwhile feelings and
actions, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring
actions for others. Life is too short to be litle.
Reality of love (1)
We know that Love hurts…
but if we love until it hurts
then there ever will be no more hurts
only LOVE..
-Mother Theresa
i really loves those beautiful words, i believe that love brings death to our carnality of mind so it can brings life to our spiritual life, and Mother Theresa's life is a living proof. that love never fails and always wins.
but if we love until it hurts
then there ever will be no more hurts
only LOVE..
-Mother Theresa
i really loves those beautiful words, i believe that love brings death to our carnality of mind so it can brings life to our spiritual life, and Mother Theresa's life is a living proof. that love never fails and always wins.
Reality Bites, so what.
life is full of sudden surprises, sometimes it makes us smile and laugh, sometimes it hit us to the core, and it hurts.
but courage is a divine power to makes us understand and move forward.
reality bites..i know, been there n done that..still im learning, but one thing i know for sure, in the end of the day..i will be grateful for every single thing that life has brought me.
reality bites, so what.
but courage is a divine power to makes us understand and move forward.
reality bites..i know, been there n done that..still im learning, but one thing i know for sure, in the end of the day..i will be grateful for every single thing that life has brought me.
reality bites, so what.
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