Only the brave one

but she who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.

Bubbly Plain

I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I aint right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
This is love but,

If i tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And thats exactly what i need to do,
If i'm ended up with you,

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

i'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

Someday, somewhere – anywhere, unfailingly, you’ll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

"BTP"

They said things passed and life is about moving on, but sometimes something is better kept for good, even only in the depth of heart.

the eyes and the warm smile that had swept the cold of winter, never once be forgotten.
even as my body walked away, never once the heart.

you will always be remembered as the one who set me free. Thank you,BT.

Fake

afraid of being sucked back into the vortex of insanity.
with all my might, tried to hold on to logic, my reason plead, to give it up.

things are not always what they seem. but when it comes to feelings, some people still never learn from mistakes of the past.

today, i learned.

We'll Never Know

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday


I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow


We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow


This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way


I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know
you and I

To Have Without Holding

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.


It hurts to love wide open
stretching the muscles that feel
as if they are made of wet plaster,
then of blunt knives, then
of sharp knives.


It hurts to thwart the reflexes
of grab, of clutch; to love and let
go again and again. It pesters to remember
the lover who is not in the bed,
to hold back what is owed to the work
that gutters like a candle in a cave
without air, to love consciously,
conscientiously, concretely, constructively.


I can’t do it, you say, it’s killing
me, but you thrive, you glow
on the street like a neon raspberry,
you float and sail, a helium balloon
bright bachelor’s button blue and bobbing
on the cold and hot winds of our breath,
as we make and unmake in passionate
diastole and systole the rhythm
of our unbound bonding, to have
and not to hold, to love
with minimized malice, hunger
and anger moment by moment balanced.

Wells in heart

There are different wells within your heart.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that.

In one well
You have just a few precious cups of water,
That “love” is literally something of yourself,
It can grow as slow as a diamond
If it is lost.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket to protect you.

Brida

Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others. She had a whole life to live, and she was always thinking that, in the future, she might regret the choices she made now.
“I’m afraid of committing myself,” she thought to herself.
She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none. After her first romantic disappointment, she had never again given herself entirely. She feared pain, loss, and separation.
These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all.
In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes not to see the bad things in life.

Ever since time began, people have recognized their true Love by the light in their eyes.

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”

“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions.”

“But how will I know who my Soulmate is?” Brida felt that this was one of the most important questions she had ever asked in her life.
“By taking risks” she said to Brida. ‘ By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.”

Nothing is completely wrong. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.

More than okay

i found my closure. hope you too.

if you already found someone, sincerely i wish you happiness.it made surprised you that i dont feel anything than smile wholeheartedly if you have someone already.

im really good, life turn out to be great and i could smile and laugh freely, happily now.
if sometimes me ever crossed your mind, could you just think of me as a stranger that once spiced up your life. and we did have a one hell of a ride.

Im more than okay.

Beyond Understanding

two people walking on the street
walking together, but emotionally apart
used to be one, but now they are just two
they are passing a stranger on the street
they even didnt realize they are passing each other as stranger, on their secluded mind
two people walking, used to hold each other hands, heart and body
now they are holding each for their own ground, own heart and own body
two people walking together, used to hate silence when they were together, now each enjoy their own solitude, and silence is their walls of denials and perhaps defense.
two people walking, their body are barely touching, perhaps on the inside their heart are nearly breaking.
two people standing together, not eye to eye nor heart to heart anymore. because the pain could obviously seen. now they are facing the opposite of each other, because perhaps this is just better this way.
two people, not holding hands anymore, but each holding their hearts tightly, their pride firmly.

two people walking together,each try to convince them selves, that this is just the way it is. this is better than yesterday.

two people walking together, putting on a brave face. each is protecting the solitude of the other. maybe it's strange but deeper way.

For what it's worth

You and me. we both knew all along that you will never gonna fight for me. so thats why i have done everything i could n said i wait. but even when the last drop of my strength failed me. you just stood there.

i should have known better. stupid me.

so for what it's worth, thank you.

In Solitude

in solitude
i found me
to make peace with my complexity
to gain strength that was drained from the last battle

in solitude
i found my answer
that i may not know all the answers, whatever they might be, i chose the less i know the better
that i may have thought, guessing, it all wrong or right, it just doesnt matter anymore.

in solitude
i have calmed the storm in my heart, and quieted my thoughts

in solitude
im free from any judgement, resentment, and commitment.

in solitude
there's nothing more important to me than freedom

No more

it took a few slapped of realization of reality
to listen to the voice of reason again..
to think logically without having another collision with vain feelings
to see clear as facts, to put aside all unrealistic hope, feelings, dreams, or whatever you may called it.
when logic took its stand, firmly, heal the blindness of the heart, show the right way, far away from stupidity.

i took, held, logic tightly, as my life depends on it.

i heard, my inner voice of reason, with a voice as clear as thunder,said "no more"
and this time, i obey.

It's what you want.

The thing is, it's what you want. that i finally gave.

you know exactly what i want.
but you dont want what i want.
so in the end, i gave what you want.

the thing is, it's not because i dont want what i used to want anymore, but because finally i can fully understand what you want.

you know it's not easy for me to gave up what i want for the thing you want.

it's not easy.

Silence

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way

'Cause I can't continue pretending to choose
These opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong, be this many times

My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if its fails

Until now, you told me
It sounded familiar in a way
That I could have sworn I'd heard you say it
Ten thousand times, if only I had been listening

Leave unsaid, unspoken
Eyes wide shut, unopened
You and me always between the lines


I thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
Stand in the center of it all

Too late, two choices, to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
you'd already left
So I learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid, unspoken
Eyes wide shut, unopened
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words you surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me, I'm almost ready when you meant let go.

It's just hit me

should I give up..
or should I just keep chasing pavements..
Even if it leads nowhere..
or would it be a waste..
even if I knew my place..
should I leave it there..

Profound

warm morning
swept away the cold
my mind found rest. finally.
there's nothing i could ask than a little peace of mind.
just a little peace of mind for a brief moment, for an hour or hours, i dont even dare to wish for days.
only for a moment. my mind finally rest in peace.
this moment for me, is profound.

Fair (conversation with my self)

'you put alot of effort for something that you knew that impossible.'

'i dont think so'

'huh? did you ever think? nope...you feels not think. and you know better than anyone that feelings could deceived you'

' i know what i feels, and i know what i feels is right"

' if your feelings is right, why are you suffering?, dont you ever get it? you are not being fair with your self, you pushed your self to the limit, beyond her limit,you abandoned all your values, even when everytime she's bleeding you said thats okay, it just a scratch, you continue to ignored her pains. you shut me down, your voice of reason, everytime i try to reason with you, you just didnt want to hear me out. but everytime you were in pain, i was the one that came to comfort you.

"silence"

' how long that you think your heart can hold?'

" deep silence"

" whatever your decision, whatever you do, please, please be fair to your self"

" sigh, and deep silence"

" dont let your self down, if you do, i will never forgive you"

" silence"

Black hole

Once vowed to my self,

that never once i would let my heart be conquered.
that i would not let my guard down.
that when it comes to love and logic, i would stand by logic.
that never once i would gamble upon my heart.

let my self down and could not trust my self anymore.

it's a black hole.